When it comes to socializing, to be honest, I'm not very good at interacting with people, whether online or in real life. Some people may say that I have many friends or that I'm great at socializing, but I have some reservations about such claims.
When someone messages me privately, there are certain topics that I find interesting and I want to know more about them. However, when I want to initiate a conversation, I start thinking, "Do I need to prepare more topics?", "Will they find them interesting?", "Am I being too close?", "Will they think I'm annoying?" and many other considerations. As a result, I usually end up deciding, "Maybe it's better not to bother them."
I'm overly sensitive to the emotions conveyed by other people's words and expressions. Even if I sense a slight disinterest or lack of enthusiasm from them, I immediately withdraw. There are also times when someone initiates a conversation with me, but I find myself unsure of how to respond. This can make them perceive me as distant, leading to a lack of further communication.
During social gatherings in real life, I tend to actively participate in conversations, but it's an energy-draining experience for me. Even though it's just sitting and chatting, I still feel extremely tired. That's why there are times when I decline invitations from friends unless I feel mentally prepared.
However, there are exceptions. Currently, there are a few friends with whom I can initiate conversations without too much hesitation. Initially, I may encounter the situations I mentioned earlier, but once I become familiar with them, I can communicate without pressure. I truly appreciate their willingness to spend time with me.
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